Green Dildos, Golden Boots, and Gruden’s Day in Court!
The SMQB crew is back for episode 228, and with Pope on “assignment” in Scotland, the guys waste no time diving into the biggest stories just before football season officially takes over their lives. From hilarious preseason antics to massive legal battles and in-depth previews of the upcoming college and professional seasons, this episode has it all. Let’s break down the highlights.
Who’s at the Bar?
The show (of course) kicks off with their signature segment, and the barstools are full of characters this week.
Milk wants to have a word with Rays manager Kevin Cash, asking him why he possibly thought it was a good idea to keep pitching to Cal Raleigh, who proceeded to homer all weekend against Tampa Bay.
House is bringing in Dallas Cowboys receiver CeeDee Lamb for a drink after he got absolutely decked by a referee on the sideline during a preseason game. The crew also had a laugh about Dak Prescott already telling the Rams he’ll “see you in the NFC Championship”.
Rooster is buying a round for Jen Pawol, who made history as the first woman to umpire a Major League Baseball game since 1978.
Bison feels for golfer Tommy Fleetwood, who once again came agonizingly close to his first PGA Tour win, missing a playoff and continuing his streak of having the most career earnings without a victory.
The Main Event: College Football is BACK!
The guys give us the full lay of the land for the 2025 season, including the new 12-team playoff format with straight seeding and the introduction of direct payments to athletes, with schools able to distribute up to $20.5 million annually.
The SEC: A Wide-Open Race
Milk notes that this is the most uncertainty he’s felt about the SEC in 15 years. The traditional powers are all breaking in new talent.
Texas is the consensus No. 1 in the preseason AP Poll, but the real story is quarterback Arch Manning’s official rookie year. With only one returning starter on the offensive line and a brutal schedule that includes an early trip to Ohio State, the pressure is on.
Georgia is starting Gunnar Stockton at QB after Carson Beck’s departure, and he’ll be playing behind four new offensive linemen. The defense also has to replace a ton of first-round NFL talent.
Alabama still hasn’t named a starting QB, though it will likely be Ty Simpson. House believes that with a stacked defense, this could be a bounce-back year for the Tide under coach Kalen DeBoer, who is on the hot seat after a four-loss season.
Milk’s Sleepers & Dark Horse: He likes Oklahoma to have a bounce-back season with Washington State transfer QB John Matier. But his true dark horse to win the conference is his beloved
Florida Gators, led by who he calls the best quarterback in the SEC, DJ Lagway.
The Big Ten: A Three-Headed Monster
House takes the lead on the Big Ten, which he argues could send three teams to the College Football Playoff.
The Contenders:
The conference is topped by three powerhouses: Oregon, defending national champion Ohio State, and Penn State. Ohio State has a huge question mark at quarterback, with a battle between Alabama transfer Julian Sayin and junior Lincoln Keenholz. However, they feature Jeremiah Smith, who House calls one of the most “ridiculous” receivers he’s seen, and a leader in safety Caleb Downs.
Penn State returns a Heisman candidate in QB Drew Aller and a loaded offense. The pressure is squarely on coach James Franklin, who has a reputation for being unable to win the biggest games. Milk calls him “the Brian Kelly of the Big Ten”.
Across the Pond: A Premier League Preview
House gives a quick rundown of what to expect in the Premier League, where the coaching carousel is spinning faster than ever—outside of Man City and Arsenal, no team has a coach who started before 2020. The league is flush with cash, with last year’s champion Liverpool spending $300 million in the offseason alone. The top of the table is expected to be a tight race between
Liverpool, Arsenal, Man City, and Chelsea. The most exciting development is that five of the top teams have completely remade their front-three attacking lines, promising a season full of goals. For the Golden Boot, House likes Mo Salah and has his eye on Chelsea’s Cole Palmer as a great value bet.
Rants, Raves, and Final Takes
Our episode wraps up with some passionate final segments.
A Rant for the Ages: Rooster goes off on the “Green Dildo Coin,” a meme cryptocurrency that gained notoriety by having people throw dildos onto the court at WNBA games. Rooster asks a very good question… “what the fuck is wrong with anybody who would buy a stock… based on stunts?”.
A Feel-Good Lasso: The crew celebrates the Little League Softball World Series champions from Johnstown, Pennsylvania—the state’s first title in nearly 50 years. There’s also a lasso for MLB crew chief Chris Guccione, who gave a heartfelt and emotional statement about how proud he was to be part of Jen Pawol’s historic debut.
Buzzer Beater Bombshell: House breaks the news that the full Nevada Supreme Court ruled that former coach Jon Gruden’s lawsuit against the NFL can proceed in a public court, deeming the league’s mandatory arbitration clause unenforceable. This is a massive victory for Gruden, who will now have his case heard by a jury of his peers. The episode ends with Rooster giving his hot takes from one week of NFL preseason action, which Milk and Bison immediately dismiss as the classic overreactions they are.
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Enjoy this episode!